He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
