Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I use my feet as sexual weapons
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
