and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
