you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
