Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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