I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I supernannyed him into submission
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
