I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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