just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
