I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
