my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
