Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you inspire me to be a worse person
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
