I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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