so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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