Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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