"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
