How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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