Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i came on her dog
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
