I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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