you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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