I wish I could teleport
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
