I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
