I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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