I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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