Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
