My sheets look like a crime scene.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Sober January is a disaster.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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