I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
