Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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