it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
