make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
