Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
