im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
