I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
