Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
