I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You did what with his pubic hair?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
