watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My vagina is very pro this idea
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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