hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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