you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
