Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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