I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
