You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
