If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
