Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
