If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
