Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
