I think I died a long time ago.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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