so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We need to get me chipped asap
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