So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
