Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
