ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
