found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
